P A T R O N U S
They say, in the Wizarding World,
if you love someone truly,
your patronus starts to resemble theirs.
It changes form slowly,
a Jack Russel terrier, an otter or a phoenix
until there's no identifiable evidence
of it once being a horse, a cat or a hare.
I think about James Potter and his beloved, Lily Evans
and how they have the same animal for patronus—
a stag and a doe;
and I wonder if she always had a doe
or did she fall in the kind of love ballads and sonnets are written about?
It makes me hopeful in the same way
that my feelings could never do.
Tonight, as I open our box
a photograph of you dressed up as the Half Blood Prince
falls out of it,
making me remember the last vestiges of love,
so devastating, so beautiful.
And I think about Severus Snape
and how he was the only Death Eater to ever have a patronus—
a doe, too.
I've devoured the series a million and one times
and I still don't understand
if I feel pity or empathy for him,
maybe all you can feel is a little bit of both
for someone who broke his heart
continuously, yet bravely.
Yesterday, I watched the infamous five-word exchange between him and Dumbledore
and it reminded me how
I always cried whenever, like Harry, I saw him answer
"Always." to "After all this time?".
You laughed everytime,
to hide your achy thoughts and heavy heart, maybe
because somehow you already knew that
I would be the Lily to your Severus.
Perhaps you saw her
in my younger self too,
dressed up in a Hogwarts uniform,
skipping around in the clearing with a wand from Ollivanders
and saying, "Expecto Patronum!"
while you advised me, as Lupin,
to decide a single patronus
because "spells, Eve, are precarious"
even at the age on nine,
my wayward heart made me choose
It's been a few years
since I gave up on us
and I wonder
if our paths cross again someday,
will you finally have a different patronus
or will it still resemble mine?
This image by @alexandriaslens makes me miss Hogwarts even more.🧙🏻♀️🏰
#photography #harrypotter #hogwarts #wizardingworldofharrypotter #wizardingworld #author